So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sponge bath it is.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
