Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
