Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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