my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
