State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
