Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
