So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
