Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
