youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
