Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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