Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
