the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
