Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
