I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
