the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
