So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
