Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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