: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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