I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
