So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
