She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
