God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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