Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
