he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
