i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
