she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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