Where are you?
In a non slutty way
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
