yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
