so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize