Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
