Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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