she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
