My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
