I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
