kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
