quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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