i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
