Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
