im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
