chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize