The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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