so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
