ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
