dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
