actually, I'm a sock model
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
