I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
