she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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