we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
