We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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