Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
