no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
