dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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