He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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