he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he puts the penis in happiness.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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