Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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