i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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