I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize