I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
