Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
