Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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