This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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