Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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