My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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