you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will pee on everything he values.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize