What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
