so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
did i just pee glitter
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
