6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
