Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
