Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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