I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
