i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
