I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
