I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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