tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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