Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
