Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
