She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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