dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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