Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
