I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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